Nine Years. Nine Memories.

Yesterday was nine years since Jamie has been gone. 

Nine years. 

I really can't believe it has been that long. We were juniors in high school. One day she was walking the halls, and the next day she wasn't. Sometimes it is still hard to grasp. I miss all the things that could have been...and feel guilty for how things ended and how we let our relationship go. And now I think about where she would be today. Who she would be. Where would she have gone to college? What would she be doing?  Would she be married? Have babies?

I still miss her and think about her all the time, but I know she is up in Heaven, galloping through endless flower-filled fields on her horse having the absolute best time. That really is the only thing that makes this any easier to understand. 

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”  - Mark Twain

That quote is so perfectly fitting for her. She lived her life to the fullest everyday and I know when the time came, she was ready. Her middle name was Joy, and it was no wonder why. She was such a joy to everyone who knew her. She still is, even in death.

So, in her honor, nine memories. 

In no particular order...

1. The bright orange Wranglers only you could pull off, and did so proudly, even though half the school didn't understand and made fun of you for them.
2. That time we went snowmobiling out in your field and we were having too much fun and laughing too much that we may have had an...accident...then went inside for clean clothes and cocoa while Tommy laughed and started our laundry.
3. When you came to a youth group overnighter with me and I realized how deep your faith was. I can't tell you how comforting that memory is to me know; to know without a doubt where you are.
4. At that same overnighter you met a boy, Chase, and you were pretty sure it was meant to be forever between the two of you.
5. Sitting next to you freshman year in Mr. Pavey's World Studies class... and always being terrified to go to class for another one of his scary lectures.
6. Your smile and your laugh. So infectious. It carried through the halls and people always knew when you were coming.
7. Middle school lunches. We played hot potato with an apple and somehow you always managed to throw it 3 tables over so everyone wondered what we were doing. 
8. Your attitude.  I really don't remember a lot of times that you weren't happy...what a lesson to all of us to focus on the good and not the bad.
9. That one time in 5th grade we got caught cheating during a test and we both thought our lives were ending. Thankfully it wasn't that serious...but we learned our lesson neither of us ever did it again. 

I've already shared what her life and death meant to me last year (Jamie - feel free to re-read or check it out if you are slightly new around here). But I feel like it is important to continue giving her credit for getting me where I am today. I wouldn't be who I am without the experiences we shared and the impact she made on my life.

And one last thing. 

If there is someone in your life who you appreciate but they might now know it... tell them. Tell them how you feel before it's too late. Because you never know when God might call any of us home. And it's important that people know. It's important that you know they know how you feel (wordy, I know) because those words left unsaid? They come back to haunt you.

Rest in peace, Jamie.

Jamie Joy Reurink

Dec 29, 1986 - Jan 27, 2004