Day 6, February 2, 2010

Today at work was one of those days where you just want to not be there, ya know? People called in and we were shorthanded and it was busy and basically...It was lame. And I was being a major grumpy gills about it. And I kept catching myself making catty remarks to people (under my breath of course) and every time I'd think, you know, I shouldn't be like that. They can't help it. Well maybe they can...but...still, I'm in no place to be bitter and cynical about it.

So my goal is to try to be nicer...I've noticed I've become kind of 'hard' sometimes...and I never used to be like that, and I don't like that I'm like that now. So it's time for some changes I think.

As I was pulling in the driveway, I had my iPod on shuffle and 'When the Sand Runs Out' came on by Rascal Flatts and I just was like, wow. What am I doing with my life? Really. Not much! I haven't heard that song in a long time and the words just kind of hit me I guess. I don't feel like I've really accomplished anything so far, and that bugs me. I had so much ahead of me in high school and I just kind of gave all that up. Why? Why couldn't I see then, that in five years, I'd be stuck in a crappy job that I pretty much hate and that has changed who I am, and have no real degree to fall back on to find a better job.

Oy vey. I don't know. I've got word vomit tonight I guess!

Well the Biggest Loser is on and I've got a major headache..so I'm going to stop rambling. I'll leave you with those lyrics...you should really listen to the whole song, but the chorus is what got to me tonight.

I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
And learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here

Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out