There's A Baby In My Belly. Wait, What?!

So I guess things have changed since my last post...

 9 weeks

Sometimes I still can't believe that this is real life, but I can tell you from all the trips to the bathroom that it is very, very much real life.

It's all very surreal. January 13th I went to my first appointment to get the infertility train rolling, and was told that we were very unlikely to have a baby the 'old fashioned' way. This was confirmed after Josh went to get checked out.  He then needed to see a specialist and couldn't get in until mid-March, so we made his appointment and kind of just put it on the back burner. Basically, they were setting us up to expect IUI or IVF to be our main options. We were devastated. We knew we couldn't afford it, and didn't want to go into debt trying to have a baby.

What we didn't know was that things were already in the works. At the risk of giving you too many details, I will tell you that when I wrote that last post, on January 25th, in one of my lowest moments, the process was already in motion and that sweet little life was already formed inside of me.

Just over a month after my appointment, on February 15th, I took a pregnancy test on a whim. I had been watching pregnancy announcement videos on Youtube and of course, that leads me to think that everything means something and I convince myself I am pregnant... so I go take a test to bring me back to reality. This happened often, so I didn't put much thought into it. But much to my surprise, it came up positive. Almost instantly. WHOA. I took 6 more, just to be sure. And then 3 more the next day. Because you just never know....haha ;)

That moment was nothing like what I had always pictured it being. I thought I would cry and scream and jump for joy... but in reality, I was in shock and major disbelief. "This can't be happening. They told me this wouldn't happen. Is this real life? Holy cow, I think this is real life."

Josh was napping downstairs during most of this, but came upstairs to see what I was up to while I was dipping the 5th stick. I showed him all the other ones and after explaining to him how to read them, he says "So we are maybe excited?" and I say "I DON'T KNOW!"

That was a Saturday and I had to wait 2 grueling days to call the doctor. Thankfully they could get me in the next day, so on Tuesday, I went in and the doctor confirmed I was pregnant. Holy cow, this is real life.

Then we had to wrestle with whether to tell anyone or not...we decided to wait until my first appointment with my midwife to spill the beans. We didn't realize at the time that that would be an entire MONTH away, but amazingly, we didn't crack. We just figured we had waited so long, and been told that it was very unlikely to happen, that we didn't want to risk telling everyone and then have something happen. They never told me I had a high chance of complications, that is just where my mind went. I had wanted it to happen for so long and I didn't want to do anything to jinx it!

It was a loooooong month but finally, March 18th came and we got to see our baby for the first time and hear the most precious thing in the world: the heartbeat. During that month I had convinced myself this was all in my head and I would get there and find there was no baby. So when that little nugget popped up on the screen, I was instantly relieved and then I let myself get excited.

Telling our families and friends was one of the greatest moments...so much love and happiness surrounds this baby, he is already so loved! (spoiler alert...baby is a boy!) It was kind of fun having a little secret for awhile, but holy cow, I was ready to have it out in the open! I am no good with secrets so I am still surprised I made it that long without giving it away.

Fast forward to now: I am almost 20 weeks (halfway there!) and this last week we got to see our sweet babe again. Plus we were able to find out that baby is a BOY and we are so thrilled!! I had thought it was a boy all along. Josh said he didn't really have a guess, until after we found out, then he told me he thought it was a boy, too. He just didn't want to say it for some reason I guess.

 19 weeks

 I love this one - we were both so excited!!

I have been very lucky - I have had a pretty easy pregnancy. I was nauseous 24/7 and extremely tired for the first 12 weeks or so, but since then it's been pretty easy going. I am just so excited and thankful to even be pregnant though, I will take whatever symptoms come :)

We are pretty sure we have a first name picked out, and 2 contenders for a middle name (it's a good thing he's a boy because we don't agree on girls names at all!) But we are going to keep that under wraps until he arrives. Gotta make you wait for something! :)

In a nutshell, we are so thankful and SO excited about our little boy! I like to call him my little miracle, because to me, he definitely is :)